When is anger appropriate

Instead, try thinking of anger as coming in both fast and slow varieties, when you want to scream versus when you want to motivate a person in a calculated way. You can even let them know that you are intentionally slowing the situation down. Choose to make good decisions rather than fast ones. This is about giving yourself a wider range of options to choose from in an emotionally charged situation. Think like a chess player. Before deciding on a course of action, imagine how the other person will counter and how the situation might look two moves from now.

If it looks good, continue along your present path. If it looks bad, consider an alternative behavior, imagine how they will counter that, and evaluate this scenario. At one point I might want to assert my dominance by telling a story, and a few minutes later I might want to increase the feeling of connection by ignoring an incendiary remark. Psychologist John Riskind, an expert in helping people with seemingly uncontrollable emotions, has come up with techniques for slowing down the speed of threatening events.

Riskind has found that the experience of anger is not as problematic as the belief that the sequence of events triggering that anger is accelerating, that the danger is escalating, and the available window for taking action is quickly disappearing. This sense of impending danger pushes people to do something that might stop the immediate threat but in the longer term will make the situation worse such as punching the person who cut you off in line at the grocery checkout.

The first step is to check in with yourself frequently to assess whether your anger is increasing, decreasing, or stable in the given situation. In this case, consider slowing the speedometer. At this high speed, you probably feel a bit out of control. Create a visual image of what you would look like and how other people would appear to you. Notice how they no longer seem as physically close to you.

Listen carefully to what the other person is saying, and read the underlying message in their body language. How does it feel when you imagine things slowing down? Anger fuels wars, divorce, and sometimes even great novels, yet still a number of things about it are left unanswered and unknown.

However, modern science has made a great deal of headway in understanding one of the most, if not the most, intense feelings within the human emotional spectrum. In a experiment by Boedenhausen, Sheppard, and Kramer, participants were either asked to write about a past experience that made them really happy or one that made them really sad. They were then asked to read an essay about raising the driving age from 16 to 18, and some were told that the essay was written by policy experts at Princeton University while others were told it was by a group of community college students.

According to the researchers, anger essentially tells our brain there is a need for quick action, short-circuiting our neural pathways, prompting a quick and dirty processing of information, instead of comprehensive, systematic processing. This partially explains the rash decisions brought about by a surge of anger but still leaves unanswered many other questions. Is anger a temporary feeling or a perpetual state of mind or mental disorder? Certainly there are individuals who are angry more often than others, but when does anger start to define an individual?

According to the DSM-IV-TR, the go-to manual for diagnoses of mental disorders, there is no specific disorder simply characterized by anger. However, no specific diagnosis of mental disorder can be attributed to individuals whose anger, although recurrent and intense, does not result in assaultive or destructive tendencies.

Perhaps this is because it is hard to differentiate from normal feelings of anger, and unwarranted and disorderly anger. According to positive psychologists, happiness and pleasantries always trump anger and confrontation in terms of healthy and beneficial behavior. However, anger plays an essential role in the human emotional spectrum. Anger allows individuals to advocate for themselves and others and avoid compromising their needs and goals in order to achieve what they want.

Some of the short and long-term health problems that have been linked to unmanaged anger include:. When you have had an argument, it is easy to stay angry or upset with the other person.

If you don't resolve an argument with a person you see often, it can be a very uncomfortable experience. Talking to the person about your disagreement may or may not help. If you do approach them, make sure it is in a helpful way.

Stay calm and communicate openly and honestly. If the person could be violent or abusive, it may be best not to approach them directly. You could talk to them over the phone to see if they are open to finding a solution to the argument, if you feel safe to do so.

It might be helpful to ask someone to be there with you, to give you support when you make the call and afterwards.

Try and tell the person how you feel as a result of their opinion, but avoid trying to tell them how they feel. It is possible to agree to disagree. You may need someone else to help you resolve the disagreement. You could ask a trusted third person to act as a go-between and help you both get another view on the argument. People who are stressed are more likely to experience anger. Numerous worldwide studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels.

This may be because physical exertion burns up stress chemicals, and it also boosts production of mood-regulating neurotransmitters in the brain, including endorphins and catecholamines. Expressing anger appropriately is a learned behaviour.

Suggestions on helping your child to deal with strong feelings include:. This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:. Services include parent education to maternal and child healthcare, child care, crisis support, child protection, family violence and relationship services.

The Alexander technique stresses that movement should be economical and needs only the minimum amount of energy and effort. There are many people you can talk to who can help you overcome feelings of wanting to lash out. Anxiety disorders are common mental health problems that affect many people. The different smells and chemical constituents of aromatherapy oils can produce different emotional and physiological reactions.

Content on this website is provided for information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not in any way endorse or support such therapy, service, product or treatment and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional. The information and materials contained on this website are not intended to constitute a comprehensive guide concerning all aspects of the therapy, product or treatment described on the website.

All users are urged to always seek advice from a registered health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions and to ascertain whether the particular therapy, service, product or treatment described on the website is suitable in their circumstances.

The State of Victoria and the Department of Health shall not bear any liability for reliance by any user on the materials contained on this website.